


Knock On Wood

by thelilacfield



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Meeting, M/M, Neighbours, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:29:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3513638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelilacfield/pseuds/thelilacfield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Someone in this building is hogging our bandwidth to watch porn! I’m not going to stand for this any more!” Rachel screeches, holding her iPad accusingly under Kurt’s nose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knock On Wood

'I know you steal my wifi to watch porn but it's kinda hot idk' AU -  **kurt x blaine, nc-17**

* * *

Opening the cat videos playlist he was watching before Rachel came barging in to remind him they had to leave for work in ‘no less than  _three minutes_ , Kurt!’, Kurt can’t help the affectionate little smile when the buffering continues for over a minute, knowing that their stranger is using the wifi again. Since it started happening, Rachel has been storming around wondering how this mysterious person guess that their password is  _barbrastreisand_ , but given how much time she spends singing the entire  _Funny Girl_  soundtrack at top volume, it wouldn’t surprise Kurt if the entire building could take an educated guess at their wifi password.

Bookmarking the playlist for later, Kurt turns grudgingly to his homework - this stranger never hijacks their wifi for longer than an hour anyway - and opens his textbook with a sigh. He’d almost rather be counting ketchup sachets with Santana at the diner.

Instead, he slips into a daydream, wondering which of their neighbours is using their wifi to look almost exclusively at  **fratboiphysicals.com**. He doesn’t know everyone by name - Santana has nicknames for them, like Never Washes Guy, or Single Mom With Four Kids, or Fucking Cute Couple In 6B  _Are You Kidding Me_  - but he can picture them all, from encounters at the mailbox. Is it objectifying to hope that it’s one of the cute guys? The man with the eyebrow piercing who lives above them and plays guitar at three am? The dancer with the perfect abs that all three of them will pause to gaze at when they see him out in the tiny square of concrete that their building calls a yard? The blonde who is half of the cute couple that Santana always gags at? His dark-haired roommate who always casts envious eyes at Kurt’s expensive bowties?

Kurt is jerked unceremoniously from his daydream when Rachel bursts in, holding her iPad accusingly under Kurt’s nose. “I have to choreograph to this song  _for tomorrow_ , Kurt!” she screeches, and Kurt shakes his head slightly. “Someone in this building is hogging our bandwidth to watch porn! I’m not going to stand for this any more!”

"We can’t do anything about it, Rach, and it’s only for an hour a day," Kurt says with a shrug, seeing that Rachel appears to be about to start breathing fire over this. "It doesn’t bother me, and we can’t chase all over to building to ask every single person if they’re using our wifi." Looking down at his knuckles, he mumbles, "And it’s kinda hot," under his breath, which Rachel luckily doesn’t hear.

"Kurt, that is exactly what we’re going to do!" she says loudly, and Kurt groans quietly, slumping over his textbook. "Unfortunately, with Santana working the night shift it’ll take longer than if there were three of us, but you and I are going to search this building from top to bottom to find the culprit. You are going to go down, and I will go up."

"So you get to confront the fabulously fit dancer and guitar guy?" Kurt asks, and he doesn’t miss Rachel’s little smirk. "That’s not fair, Rachel!"

"Tit for tat, you get the blonde with the lips that look absolutely perfect for kissing and the brunette with the ass I’ve caught you checking out many a-time," Rachel says with a wink, and Kurt rolls his eyes at her. "Come on, and you get the single mom, you totally think her kids are adorable and seeing them gets you all broody!"

"Fine, if it’ll shut you up," Kurt says, getting to his feet and lacing his feet back into his boots - who knows what might be on the floor in their admittedly crappy apartment block? "But I doubt that a woman raising four kids alone is taking an hour out of her day to watch frat bros jerk each other off."

"There’s no accounting for taste," Rachel says, wrinkling her nose, and Kurt shoves at her as he subtly checks his hair in the mirror, making sure his busy day hasn’t deflated it or left him looking shiny and red.

"I know exactly what’s hiding in your  _Classic Rock Covers_  folder, Rachel Berry, and don’t you ever forget it,” he says, and she flushes, going uncharacteristically silent as she walks out the apartment, leaving Kurt to choose a tighter shirt and draw attention to his waist with a dark green vest patterned with gold. So what if he’s being silly - the guys in 6B are really cute.

After knocking on a few door, and actually getting to know some of their neighbours by name - the single mother is actually named Jenny, and her twins come rushing to the door with dinosaur-shaped cookies, proudly offering Kurt one - Kurt gets to 6B, and knocks, running a hand through his hair and smoothing his shirt. There’s no answer for a few minutes, and he’s about to assume that cute guy, other cute guy and other cute guy’s stunning girlfriend aren’t home when he hears feet on the floor and the chain coming away from the door.

Cute guy’s cheeks are a little flushed, and he’s wearing a robe at three o’clock in the afternoon on a Saturday, so there’s only one thing Kurt can assume - he’s found the culprit for stealing their wifi. “Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel,” he says quietly, determinedly not looking down for the outline of an erection - if the guy is getting off to frat boys, he has to be at least bi - and putting on his most charming, your-friendly-neighbourhood-wifi-provider smile. “This sounds ridiculous, but my roommate is getting annoyed about someone in the building hijacking our wifi for their own use, and she wants to find the culprit. The password to it is Barbra Streisand, all lower case, no spaces.”

From the blush that shoots up his neck and into his cheeks, and the way his eyelashes lower - and _oh_  the images that sends into Kurt’s mind, making his own face feel a little warm. “God, I’m so sorry,” he says, hiding his handsome face in his hands. “I didn’t think it would matter if I just borrowed it for an hour on Saturdays, because that’s date night for Sam and Mercedes,” so, other cute guy and his girlfriend, “but that turned into every few days, and somehow I’m insatiable and it’s become every day. I swear, I didn’t want to hack, but your roommate sings Streisand so often and so flawlessly that I took a guess.”

"Why use our wifi, though?" Kurt asks, and cute guy’s blush deepens even further, making Kurt swallow a giggle at how adorable he is. "And I didn’t catch your name?"

"It’s Blaine Anderson. Anyway, Sam and Mercedes have agreed to wait until marriage, and Sam persuaded me to join him in abstinence when I’d just got out of a relationship and wasn’t overly eager to rejoin the hook-up club," Blaine says, scrubbing a hand over his forehead, unable to meet Kurt’s eyes. "But that was six months ago, and once I bounced back I just wanted sex, but I didn’t want to actually do it. Jerking off to porn doesn’t seem so rebellious, but I can’t do it on our wifi, they might see it. I’ll stop, I promise." 

"Just one thing first," Kurt says, trying to sound as flirtatious as he can - because  _really_ , how many times in his life is he going to meet a cute guy who bats for his team and greets him at the door in a robe with a probable hard-on - and leaning against the door frame with a smirk. “Will you show me the site? I mean, I’m gay, and I always appreciate recommendations.”

Blaine’s mouth gapes open, just a little, and then snaps shut, a flirty spark coming into his eyes, and opens the door wider. Walking in, Kurt notes the spaces, the set-up exactly the same as their apartments upstairs but the use of it all so different - for one thing, the privacy for the bedrooms is far better, which is probably necessary with a couple living there. Blaine pulls him into the smaller room, where his laptop is open on the bed, headphones trailing from it, and the blankets are rolled back. “I always…um, with headphones in, under the blankets,” Blaine says quietly, awkwardly fiddling with the cord of his robe, wrapped tightly around his waist. “Just in case Sam or Mercedes barge in, then I can pretend to be doing work.”

"With how red your face was when you answered the door, I think it’s perfectly obvious what you’re doing," Kurt teases gently, and Blaine blushes again. He looks so pretty like that, pink-cheeked, his eyes slightly dark with arousal, and Kurt sits down on the end of the bed, crossing one leg over the other and smoothing his hands down his thighs, noticing Blaine’s eyes flicker down and then hastily back up. "So, what exactly is this site that means you hogging our bandwidth every day?"

"Um…it’s pretty simple," Blaine says quietly, pulling his laptop towards him and setting it on his lap, pulling out the headphones and carefully winding them up before setting them on the low table at the foot of his bed - which, Kurt has to admit, is a clever idea for forcing someone to actually slide out from under the blankets to turn off an alarm in the morning, instead of hitting snooze and going straight back to sleep. "I’m not into anything…crazy. But I do…" He blushes deeper, and flickers his gaze away as he admits, "I like the dirty talk. Not the ‘slut’ kind, the…um, the graphic stuff."

Now Kurt is cursing his choice to add the vest, and hoping he can blame layers for how pink his cheeks go at Blaine’s words. “Interesting,” he finally says, and smiles when Blaine huffs out a laugh, diffusing the tension a little. “Can I see? I hate to go looking for porn and find out I don’t find the men in it aesthetically pleasing. It is important.”

"Obviously," Blaine teases back, and Kurt smiles softly. Having this kind of immediate connection with someone is so rare for him - even with Rachel and Santana, who are undeniably his best friends these days, it took two years of snarking at each other and an awful lot of character growth for them to come this far. And then he can’t think of his friends, as Blaine angles the laptop so both of them can see the screen and hits play. The two men onscreen are stunning, not too muscular, and Kurt immediately feels his breath catch in his throat, his face heating.

When he chances a glance at Blaine, thirty seconds in, he’s flushed, the colour going all the way down his neck and beneath his robe, and his eyes are dark, completely absorbed in this scene playing before them. “Blaine?” Kurt asks softly, and only then does Blaine’s attention shift. “Are you gay? Or bi? Or pan? Or of any sexual orientation that isn’t straight?”

"I’m gay," Blaine says softly, and Kurt doesn’t need any more prompting to kiss him, nearly knocking the laptop out of Blaine’s lap as he leans in closer, swallowing Blaine’s moan and breathing out harshly through his nose when Blaine kisses him back, open-mouthed and accepting, desperate. "Oh my  _God_ , Kurt.”

"The number of times I’ve checked you out getting my mail, Blaine, I swear," Kurt gasps, tilting their foreheads together, his breathing heavy and the porn still playing on the laptop, the moans echoing through the room. "Turn that off, Jesus Christ."

Blaine scrambles to turn off his laptop, closing the lid and leaving it abandoned on the floor. “I want to kiss you again,” he says softly, and Kurt only gets to nod once before Blaine is in his lap, kissing him, clutching at him, and Kurt can feel Blaine’s erection digging into his belly. “I never thought hijacking wifi would lead to this.”

"Let me touch you," Kurt breathes, and Blaine whimpers, hips shoving forward, and Kurt rolls them over onto the bed, pulling at the knot in Blaine’s robe with eager, clumsy fingers, pushing it aside to find Blaine gloriously, gorgeously naked, so much skin for him to discover, perfect from head to toe. Kissing his chest and scraping a nail over Blaine’s left nipple, hearing his breath twist into a groan, Kurt smirks up at him, absurdly turned on by being fully-clothed and - sort of - composed while Blaine is this writhing mess of nakedness.

When Kurt slides his lube-slick hand around Blaine’s cock for the first time, Blaine writhes and moans loudly. “Oh my God, I’m definitely out of the abstinence club now,” he says, breathless, and Kurt laugh and leans down to kiss away his dazed, idiotic comments. Blaine meets him for every push and pull, his fingers buried in Kurt’s hair, directing his mouth down to his Adam’s apple to suck kisses across the sensitive skin, making Blaine’s hips jerk with increasing desperation. “God _, Kurt_.”

"You’re so ridiculously sexy," Kurt breathes, kissing up Blaine’s neck to his mouth, erection straining against his tight jeans. "I’m so glad you stole my wifi to watch porn." Blaine laughs, it twists up into a moan, and he curls his fingers between Kurt’s own around his cock, moving his hand faster and humping against his palm, eyes wild, hair curling out of the gel and kissed-red, swollen mouth open, panting. It’s a ridiculously erotic sight, and when Blaine comes Kurt almost loses it, barely managing to pull himself back from the edge - just as well, it would be a shame to ruin jeans that make his ass look so fantastic.

As Blaine lies on the bed, basking in the afterglow, Kurt kisses his shoulder and neck and face, and slides away, using the full-length mirror to pat down his sex-wild hair and straighten his clothes, trying to think of the least sexy things imaginable to get rid of the obvious bulge straining against his zipper. “Where are you going?” Blaine asks, voice so smooth and relaxed that Kurt has a serious internal crisis over whether to just slide back into bed with him. “Don’t you want me to take care of you?” The flirtatious lilt to his voice sends heat shivering down Kurt’s spine, and he closes his eyes to rein back his libido.

"We can do me next time," he promises, and leans over to kiss Blaine, smiling when he leans up into the kiss, arms tangling around Kurt’s neck. "And if you ever feel the urge to get off again, don’t turn to porn sites." Winking at Blaine’s open-mouthed shock, he turns away and goes back upstairs.

Rachel is sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and happily making choreography notes as her song of choice plays from her iPad. “Long story short, fabulously fit dancer has a girlfriend, but guitar guy doesn’t and he asked me out,” she says with a proud grin, looking up at Kurt. “Did you find the culprit?”

"I did," Kurt says, unable to keep himself from smirking in satisfaction. "And let’s just say he won’t be using my  _wifi_  to get off any more.” Comprehension dawns on Rachel’s face, and she looks scandalised, opening her mouth to say something. “Rach, you can lecture me after I have a shower. A  _long_  shower.”

"I think we need to go over the roommate sex rules!" Rachel yells after him as he closes the bathroom door, and he just laughs, squeezing himself as he thinks about Blaine’s writhing under his hands, and all the potential for next time.

 


End file.
